"Lord.."

(Lord...)
It's been a constant thought in my mind today. Even through today's activities I've been thinking... Lord.
I'm exhausted. its been one long week. Although, when I realized it was good Friday (holiday) I felt like it had crept up on me. I don't know, I'm a little messed up at the moment. I've been thinking too much this week and God knows why. Well, he definitely should after yesterdays prayer. I'm a big cry baby sometimes, but only when I'm feeling totally overwhelmed with situations in my life. Other then that... I'm pretty much a brick wall with "lovey-dovey" issues. Some say I'm cold hearted (I'm not, I'm just not a wimp). But there are certain situations that do cause me to allow myself to be broken or hurt or vulnerable and in the end I find that its been worth it.

I applied to college this week. Well technically, I applied to my local college two weeks ago and got accepted. And then on Tuesday I applied to college out of town and got accepted today. I also confirmed my acceptance today. It was weird because my heart started beating so fast and I just stared at the screen for like a minute then got up and told my mom. I've never ever lived outside of London (canada) let alone ever been on my "own." its a bit of a weird feeling knowing that you'll be somewhere new, I barely started figuring out the streets of London. I'm pretty much messed for my new city.

Lifes changing. Changing rapidly. Quickly. Too quick? Only God knows whether or not I'm truly ready for the change. I've accepted because I'm certain that moving is a good decision for me right now. But i'm also a worry wart. I worry about EVERYTHING.
See, this is my problem. I trust God. I trust that God will do things and provide.. for other people. I have a very hard time believing that he'll provide for me. I don't know why, when on countless occasions I've seen his hand work in my life, my families lives. But when I know that I have to trust in him to open doors and be a provider of ALL things, I panic. And I panic big. I'm a big believer in working hard. I've worked most of my life.. even as a little girl I worked with my mother ... and when I was older I worked around the house. My father taught me the importance of working hard. So right now.. I'm thinking.. How am I going to pay my rent or my schooling, or food. But I know this is Gods plan for my life, I've chosen to follow. But how does one learn to trust in God in a few weeks? Blind Faith?

I'm like Gideon. (I can imagine your "what?") Gideon was chosen to save the Israelites. But he doubted that he was chosen and the promises God makes him. So he asks for signs... First he asks "make the dew form on just this fleece and keep the grass around it dry." So God being God, does exactly that. But still, Gideon being the doubter that he was, asks again " make the fleece dry, and the grass around it wet."
So, God does that. So Gideon is convinced. 

God has promised us so many things... 
God promised that he would supply our EVERY need. (Philippians 4:19)

So I don't need signs, I know what his word says. I've seen the miracles in my life. So even when I'm thinking "Lord..." I gotta be thinking He can and he will. He has and will continue to be the provider in my life. He has my world in His hands and is with me everywhere I go. He is not a forsaking God!

 ⁷Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

 ⁸For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8

I promise to believe...
I promise to try...