Chapter 2: Route Unknown

I hate driving in the rain. Once, I offered a friend of mine a ride home. She directed me the whole way there and on the way back I was planning on inserting my home address and letting maps guide me. However, every time I entered my home address, the app would tell me there was no route for that address. I was extremely confused, how was that even possible?

I started to drive thinking I could navigate my way out of from memory. If you know me at all, you will know that I have no sense of direction. I am constantly getting lost. As I drove, I realized that I was heading farther and farther away from the main roads. I pulled over and tried inserting my address again. Finally, after panicking, I realized that I had the app set on walking and not driving (didn't even know this was a thing until then). Once I switched it over, it gave me the route that led me to the highway. 

Honestly, this was the worst drive home EVER. It took me through all these small roads, through a town I didn't know where the streets had no lights plus it was pouring out. Like, can't-see-anything-oh-my-God, thunderstorm rain. Coincidentally, I had a song playing that was talking about letting God guide us. I started talking to the radio: 

"yes, Lord! Guide me Lord! I don't want to die in the wilderness Lord! Make it stop raining Lord! Please?"

 "I don't want to cry! You will not cry! Oh my gosh, I am going to die in the middle of nowhere!" "Girl, you have Jesus! You'll be fine! Yeah! I have Jesus!" "Jesus, are you there?"  

 .... true story. 

Worst drive ever. I almost started crying. Rain makes me panic when I'm driving. Maybe because on a rainy night, my brother and I got into a terrible car accident -- like spin, flip your car, land in ditch car accident. Finally, after a very stressful 20 minutes,  I was on Highway 401 and on my way home.

Periodically, over the last couple months, I have felt like my life is that drive home. I've been desperately trying to plan my route to the finish line, but the route is temporarily unavailable. I suppose this is life. None of us really know what is in store. Maybe I have my app on the wrong settings. Maybe I've input the wrong address or maybe I’m trying to head in the wrong direction. We make plans, but sometimes those plans are meant for us. But God is constantly that song, on the radio of life, reminding me (and you) that he wants to guide us. To trust that he knows and that all will be revealed and fall perfectly into place; we simply need to continually move forward, even in the storm. 

Chapter 1: Please like me best!

I went on an interview today. I barely slept all night because I was trying to come up with good answers for certain questions. I don't even know why I even bothered trying to prepare, honestly. I didn't even use anything I had planned, it was all forgotten the minute I got there. 

Interviews are weird. You are genuinely trying to convince someone to like you better than someone else. I am slightly okay with this, as I generally think people like me immediately. I have them at hello. I am a people person. At least, I think so. There might be a slight chance that it's actually that people can't escape me once I've engaged them in conversation. Listen, you better just feel privileged that I'm trying to converse with you. It's not everyday that I'm in a talkative mood. Lies. I'm 95% always willing to have a conversation. 

Anyways, I sat in the interview room with two lovely ladies. My brother gave me a pep talk before I went in. (Awwww, He's so nice.) 

"Walk in there like the job is already yours. Engage them. Make the conversation mean something." 

So, naturally, I cracked a joke. Only one of the ladies laughed. The other was not about that life. How dare I crack a joke in the middle of a professional interview. I proceeded to give thoughtful answers. And they continued to ask probing questions. It was serious. I was serious. For one whole hour. It was exhausting!  

The entire time, I'm just sitting there, hoping that the person before me wasn't a better conversationalist than me. I don't have human resource experience. I snoop around peoples homes for a living ... I mean clean, I clean peoples homes for a living. I'm going to assume that I nailed the interview. If I don't get it, well it wasn't meant for me and obviously they don't like dynamic, effervescent, sassy personalities. And whose loss is it really? Mine. it's totally mine. I need the experience. Please just like me best! 

Oh, I even straightened my hair for this. So like, I deserve this job even more right? 

Dear Me,

Dear Me,

I know that you wish you hadn't picked up that extra shift. But lets be realistic here, you gotta do what you gotta do. I know you wish that you'd been faithful to your weight-loss goals but you've just been too tired to go. I know I promised I'd wake up and pray today but sleeping was so blissful, because you finally slept through the whole night. I know this week has felt like forever & EVER, but its Friday  which means tomorrow you get to go to church after your last shift of the week. And I know you miss home & your friends, but you know you're in the will of God by being right where you are. 

I know its been one of those weeks, but you've had a great time doing some living lately. Your true hearts desires are beginning to show and your kinda learning to walk on your own. And you've grown up a bit and certain things aren't as important as they once were. Remember, that we started the year of with determination and that you decided to be a better you, a much better you. 


Lets keep in mind all of your favorite things that we've done this week anyways,

1. Started a new book.

2. Found a song that expresses what I feel these days.

3. Sandals @ Payless.
It just means springs coming!
That makes me super happy!

4. My nephew. Yesterday when I got home he gave me two kisses and wanted to play with me.
I love that.

5. Winter Pictures. They just look so beautiful. 

Happy Friday!

10 Day YOU Challenge: 3 Films.

'Appy Tuesday Mate(s)

I've gone home to london for a week and I worked today from 8 am to 7 pm and was super exhausted!

I am also doggy sitting my brothers dogs and so I went over to his house and remembered HART OF DIXIE PREMIER!

(if you haven't seen this show and love LOVE and southern hospitality, WATCH IT)

Clutch, timbit and Bentley!



so, i tuned into that while eating a subway sandwich.
Now I'm waiting for my clothes to dry so I can shower and head to bed. I have another long work day tomorrow.

Anyways, its the 10 day YOU challenge again and we're at THREE FILMS.
I'm so sad that its almost over but its been really fun! Its been keeping my blog alive the last couple weeks cause I've been so out of it. Need to get bloggin'
I hope you enjoy!

Number One.

Lion King.
Its been my favourite me since the very first time I saw it.
I sing the songs, I quote it.
I mean, c'mon!
Hakuna Matata!!

Number Two.

Sweet Home Alabama

"Why do you want to marry me anyway?"

"So I can kiss you anytime I want"

*Sigggh!  Enough said!

Number Three

(Recent)

The Avengers.
Best superhero movie I've seen.
It was so funny, I died.

"We've got a hulk"

Others: Pride and Prejudice, Anchorman, Harry Potter, X-Men First Class, Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, Megamind, Swing Kids, She's the Man, Pearl Harbour and 300.

 

10 Day You Challenge: Four Books

So, for some reason the last two weeks I've had NOTHING to post on my blog. I think I need some new adventures or something or other. Anyways, I am excited about this weeks post because I LOVE reading. Its one of my favorite thing to do. So I have a bit of books that I love and would be willing to read over and over again. So picking just four is going to be hard. 

Well, I hope everyone has a great week. 

1.

To Kill A Mockingbird 

Harper Lee

So, I read this in high school and thought it was amazing. 

A few years later, I was at chapters skimming the book shelves for a good book to read and saw the a special edition of To Kill A Mockingbird and bought it and re-read. I still love and maybe will read again soon. 

2. 

Disgrace
J.M Coetzee

In grade 10 english class I had to pick a novel from a list and write a book report and five minute presentation for the novel of my choosing. The first novel I read was the memoirs of a geisha and DESPISED it. 

and then my second book I chose was Disgrace. I had never heard of the author and just kinda picked because I didn't know what else to pick. 

I did not regret it one minute. Its a great book! 

3.

Harry Potter
J.K Rowling

I know some people out there are haters. And people object because of the magic and darkness of the books but she did a great job of creating a universe and story that continued for SEVEN books. I think I read some of the them twice. If she wrote another book I wouldn't hesitate to read it. 

4. 

The Lovely Bones

Alice Sebold 

If I ever need to murder someone this book taught me how to do it leaving no trace behind. After I read this book I think I recommended it to EVERYONE! 

Got some of my friends to read it, also lent it to a friend and never got it back. Now, if only I could remember which friend! 

If you haven't read it, READ IT!  

Other Recommendations:

anything by Jodi Picoult, Nicholas Sparks, Sophie Kinsella, Jane Austen, Emily Griffin, Marian Keyes.
I also liked the 12th Night by Shakespeare. 

I also enjoy Calvin & Hobbes and Archie comics. 

I will also be trying to complete Jane Eyre! and the rest of the Hunger Games trilogy. 

 

10 Day You Challenge: 6 Places

Today feels like monday, even though its tuesday! (we like tuesdays around here)
This week is going to be busy, I'm taking a break from studying to write up this blog.
I have two exams this week (wish me luck)
One in business math and another in microeconomics. Are you interested?

Cramming as much as I can into this brain of mine!
Well, I'm excited about this weeks Six Places.
Enjoy!

Uno

England!
I have this love for this place. Its my number one place to go.

 

Doz
London, Ontario
My hometown!
I miss every inch of that place. I don't regret moving away but I get excited everytime I get to go home. 

Tres
Pinery Park
My most favourite place on earth. I could spend every day here! Its beauitful.
Plus, when you're getting ready to leave theres a beauitful ice cream stop and canoe/water bike rental place.

Cuatro
Australia
Come on ladies, how many hot boys have come from this country?
hm, hugh jackman, the hemsworth brothers.
yum!
plus, its hot and theres kangaroos!

Cinco
Louisiana, USA
Only because my family lives here. And I do enjoy a trip here every so often!

Seis

New York City
I have a strong desire to visit this place, mostly because of the broadway!

Honorable Mentions:
Toronto, Ontario
Niagara Falls

 

10 Day You Challenge: Seven Wants.

It's TUESDAY again!  

*(Small Dance)* 

I was sitting at Applebee's yesterday with a couple of my friends and we were talking about blogging. You may know Cindy and Sarah. (if you don't, check 'em out) 

Anyways,
I was telling them how much I love Tuesdays and how this week it was seven wants. I'm very excited, I think I've been thinking about it all morning!

Seven

To be healthy. I've been sick for about a little over a week. And its driving me nuts. Stuffy nose, ear aches, sneezing, itchy eyes and headaches! I think this is my biggest want at the moment. 

Six

These shoes.

Five

a tour of England.

Four

I wouldn't mind this kind of body

Three

Clear skin. I've been dealing with breakouts lately and its crazy. I mean I'm 22 years old, isn't this teenage problems? 

Two

Singing lessons. I am now part of my church choir and we sing but I feel as if I'm the weakest link.

I can hold a tune, but I still have a lot to learn.

One

A piece of cake. I mean, a good piece of cake! 

Have a happy week everyone! 

10 Day You Challenge: Eight Fears

Eight Fears

Before I start I just wanted to say how much I look forward to Tuesdays. Is that weird? 

I'm always so excited to see what people will write as their answers. Is that weird?
Anyways, I just like Tuesday.
Although today I had an exam, and I didn't realize it.
He changed our normal Thursday to Tuesday this week for personal reasons and in my head I thought I had a couple days to go over my notes. I was wrong.
So, I'm just going to hope for the best. I didn't feel totally stupid. So that's okay right?

Eight

Snakes. I don't know when I developed this fear. I've never been attacked by a snake or even encountered one that was on the loose and wild and venomous.I can't even watch them on TV or see them at the zoo. I think they are ugly. They don't have legs or eyelids.

 ItsSsSs just wrong. 

Seven

Falling. I don't like roller coasters for this particular little detail. Whose idea was it that dropping at high speeds was fun? I can do heights, just not the dropping.
Although, I do want to skydive at some point in my life.

Six

Losing my family. It would be like losing my life. 

Five

Dying in a car accident.
I had myself convinced for the longest time that this was the way I was going to die. I got into a car accident on the highway when I was 16. Rolling and crashing in barricades and landing in a ditch are not my thing. Which is probably why I despise driving.
I also think I'm going to get run into when I drive to school on the highway EVERYDAY.
Good thing I trust in the Lord.

Four

Not being successful at something in my life. I want to achieve success at something I love.

Three

This fear probably comes from watching criminal minds or something related to that. I hate walking alone to my car in the middle of the night. Its crazy I know. But when I have to, I run. 

Two 
That I'll  be alone forever. This comes and goes depending on the day and how I'm feeling. Sometimes being alone is what I want, and sometimes I want someone. Its an odd thing. 

One 
That I won't represent God in the way that I want. I want to represent love, hope and faith by how I look, speak and act. I fear that I'll let the worst of me come out and shine more then the best of me. But I can DO all things through Christ.  

10 Day You Challenge: 9 Loves.

“Tis better to have loved and lost

                              Than never to have loved at all.” 

One.
God.
I love Him. 

 

 Two.
Cake AND ice cream. Your probably thinking that's two things. But here's the deal. I love them equally. I can't decided which one is better because there both awesome. I mean, don't make me choose! DON'T! 

                                        Three.

                                        A good country song.

Four.

Sunglasses.
I have this sort of obsession with sunglasses! Maybe cause I drive so often I realize how important they are. And they come in so many different shapes, sizes, colors and designs. You can express yourself through your sunglasses!

Five. 

Superhero TV shows and movies.
Like, is there a reason why all superheros are hot and muscular?
All I'm saying is I love the view, the story lines and all the nerd people you watch them with.
Love!

 



Six.
Shoes.
You can gain weight, lose weight... get taller, shrink if you truly like.
They will probably almost always fit you!

                                                    Seven. 

A good book on a rainy day. (or any day)

There is nothing like investing time into a story that is so much more exciting and meaningful then your real life. 

 

                                                       Eight.

Sweaters.

I love summer time. But sweaters are my absolute favorite. Comfortable and warm!

                                                                              

Nine.

Zumba.
Who says running the way to go?
All I'm saying it doesn't matter if you can't dance, its still fun!

All the girls want...

pretty clothes, pretty bodies and handsome boyfriends.

And all I want to do is eat.

Is something wrong?

(Just because its funny)

I’ve probably tried to lose weight like 20 times in the last 10 years.
I’ve probably tried 5 different diets, 7 different workout routines and plain old running till my legs fall off.
I’ve given up and started up again.

I have this weak spot for ice cream and cakes.

I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s for health and sometimes to give myself a boost of confidence.
I’ve tried to do it out of revenge because of a broken heart.
I’ve tried to do it to gain a boyfriend with my new physique.
I’ve tried to do it out of anger, sadness and loneliness.
I’ve tried…

I have this weak spot for ice caps and burger and fries.

I’ve decided that I’m just going to be fluffy and satisfied.
But I walk into a mall or my favourite store…
and the clothes don’t fit right.
so I’ve tried to do for clothes.

I have this weak spot for chocolate bars and donuts.

So what does one do when you've tried and tried?

 you try, try, try again! So todays goal: do something active. and have fun while doing it!
who said it couldn't be fun?

I wish someone would say:

Wish me luck would ya?

Links: Life Lately, motivation mondays

Thankful Thursdays

I am thankful for life. 

I am thankful that I'm smiling!

I am thankful for family & friends.

I am thankful for silly family and friends!

I am thankful for beautiful sunsets.

I am thankful for beaches.

I am thankful for memories.

And memories that have been captured on film.

I am thankful for the life I'm living.

And that life isn't living me.

I am thankful for this blog.

And lastly, I am thankful for my munchkins.

I'm just thankful. 

Get To Know Me.

So, usually I just post fashion blogs. But I want this blog to represent me in almost every way (there are things you don't wanna know, so I'll spare you) hehe

sooooooo, TODAY I decided to link up to a blog that I found by reading Knowing Tanya blog.

Hosted by Lauren & Tiffany

Todays Topic:
T.en S.ecrets

O.ne  I was scared of the dark until I was 12. Growing up with two brothers we shared a room in a small two bedroom apartment. We finally got our own house and I got my own room. It wasn't an easy transition. One day I got fed up with being wimpy scared and forced myself to sleep without a nightlight.

T.wo I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was eighteen. It was such a weird thing, because all my friends had already had like 3 or 4 boyfriends by then. I don't really know why not, it just didn't happen. And when I did get my first boyfriend, I had a small breakdown and worried about committing to young. it was weird.  I'm weird.

T.hree I was a little thief when I was younger. I stole all the time. Stickers, keychains, small objects at the dollar store. I couldn't help it. I wanted it and so I grabbed it. I grew out of it, thank God.

F.our I don't know how to swim. I mean, I can doggie paddle extremely well. But I can't swim like a real swimmer. I always get water in my ears and swallow about a gallon of water. I almost drown all the time no lie.

F.ive I have a really weird fascination with accents. This is probably not a secret, but I love them. I wish I had one. I mean, other then a "canadian accent" (which isn't even a real accent... Eh!)

S.ix I secretly dance in my room all the time. I love it. I love to dance. It makes me feel energized and happy. 

S.even I daydream about being a singer. I wish I had been blessed with a voice that the angels would have been jealous of! I wish I could write songs. I used to want to. But like most dreams, it died.

E.ight I used to write about every sad and emotional event in my life. When I was happy I was never inspired enough to write. I stopped writing because I stopped being sad, and became awesome instead didn't feel inspired anymore. 

N.ine I truly wish I could have a written blog. Don't get me wrong. I love fashion blogs, and those blogs are the ones i follow most. But I want to be able to write... not meaningless things, but things that people will read and inspired from. 

T.en I secretly wish that my future husband would one day come up to me and say something straight out of a Jane Austen novel. I have a weak spot for beautiful words. 

Come back next tuesday, and get to know me more! 

Links: Tuesday Blog Trail

I've been nominated!

So I got nominated by my sister-in-law for a Liebster Award! I didn't even know this existed but it's definitely very exciting! I love being awarded with anything, well maybe not "suckiest-at-life award". 

First, I have to say 5 random facts about me.
1. I was the biggest tomboy until I was about 18.
2. I was scared of the dark until I was 12.
3. I absolutely hate snakes.
4. I have about 60+ pairs of shoes.
5. I want to write a book. Its my absolute dream. 

Now I pick 5. 

Liebster means, Sweetest, kindest,  nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, values, cute, endearing & welcome... In German, and it's given to bloggers with less than 200 followers

1. Mrs. Rogero
2. Jeans and a Teacup
3. Lily among thorns
4. Latte loves Style
5. Show us your Thrifts

I just recently followed these bloggers and love what I've seen so far on their blogs. Show 'em some love!

Now It's Your turn: 

How it works:

To receive the award, the following is in order:

1. Make a Post about your win putting the award button in your post.
2. Link back to (& follow)the blogger who nominated you the award.
3. Pick five blogs with less than 200 followers that you feel deserving of the Liebster Award, and leave them a comment on their blog to let them know you've nominated them. 
4. Tell the 5 blogs you've chosen to 'Pay It Forward' and 'Share some Blog Love' by following the instructions for 5 more newbie blogs. 
5. Share five random facts about ourselves.

Dear Pentecostal Girl,

This appeared in the Louisiana Challenger and it was written by Ruby Klemin. :



Dear Pentecostal Girl,

    As I watched you tonight, I wished for an opportunity to talk with you. I watched your beautiful face as you sang and worshipped. You reminded me of myself seven years ago. And then, after church, I watched you as you got into that car with a boy who does not know God. Oh, yes, he was at church tonight. He even went to to the altar and shed a few tears. I am sure that you would not accept the idea that, for him this is just a means to an end.

   Seven years ago I was in your shoes. I had known God since my early teens, and had grown up under God anointed preaching and teaching. I didn’t lack boy friends or dates, as is so often the case with Pentecostal girls in churches where the girls outnumber the boys. Some very wonderful, consecrated young men came my way. But Satan, who watches diligently and waits patiently to ensnare a soul, saw me one day as I was lukewarm. Oh, I was still going to church and playing my accordion and singing and doing all the right things outwardly. But I had never really had that special moment with God when His will and mine were made one.
I met him at work. And before long, without anyone else’s knowing it, I felt I couldn’t live without him. he knew about Pentecost, and when he went to church with me, he went to the altar and cried.  And so I married him, while my family and those who loved me wept and agonized.

    It was just six months later that I realized my soul was in danger and that I had to have a touch from God. I prayed through and got a grip on God. Then the battle began. No, he wasn’t going to church anymore. I could count on my fingers the number of times he went during the last seven years.

     Before I married him, the thought of living without him was unbearable. “How lonely it would be!” I thought. But now I know what loneliness is, and I’d like to tell you all about it.

*Loneliness is receiving a blessing from God and going home to a man you can’t share it with. He isn’t interested; he’s watching television.

*Loneliness is going to a church social alone and watching the young couples enjoy God’s blessings together. You can go alone or stay home alone; he has other interests.

*Loneliness is feeling the urgency of Christ’s coming and knowing that the one you love most on this earth is not ready, and shows
no sign of caring.

*Loneliness is seeing two children born and knowing that if your influence is to outweigh his, it will be a miracle.

*Loneliness is going to a General Conference and seeing young couples everywhere who are truly one and dedicated to God’s work. And there goes the young man who loved you once and wanted to marry you. He’s preaching the gospel now, and he has never married. Oh God! Help me! I mustn’t think of it!

*Loneliness is lying awake struggling with the suspiscion that he’s unfaithful. Then comes the unbelievable pain of knowing for sure. He doesn’t care if I know. She even calls me on the phone. After a time, he makes an effort to break it off. I vow to do everything humanly possible to keep this marriage together. I will love him more and pray for him more. Seven years of my life are involved in this! There’s a little girl and a little boy!

*Loneliness is now. My children and I will go home to a dark, empty apartment that will be my home until the lawyer says its over. I, who have always been afraid to stay alone, now welcome the peace and solitude.

    As I look in the mirror; I see that seven years haven’t changed my face so much. But inside I am old, and something that was once
alive and beautiful is now dead. Of course, this is not an unusual story. The remarkable story about it is that I am still living for God. I am thankful for my family and their prayers of intercession for me. Oh, I am praying for you, Pentecostal girl! Please believe me when I tell you that no matter how wonderful he is, how loving, how tender- you cannot build a happy life upon disobedience to God’s Word. You see, no matter what the future holds for me, I have missed His perfect will for my life. I will never stop paying for breaking a commandment of God! Don’t let it happen to you!

This is the tragic story of my sister, and of the tragic mistake she made. It ended in the divorce court. There is no way to put her suffering into words, but perhaps this will save some girl from making the same mistake.
-Name Withheld

"Lord.."

(Lord...)
It's been a constant thought in my mind today. Even through today's activities I've been thinking... Lord.
I'm exhausted. its been one long week. Although, when I realized it was good Friday (holiday) I felt like it had crept up on me. I don't know, I'm a little messed up at the moment. I've been thinking too much this week and God knows why. Well, he definitely should after yesterdays prayer. I'm a big cry baby sometimes, but only when I'm feeling totally overwhelmed with situations in my life. Other then that... I'm pretty much a brick wall with "lovey-dovey" issues. Some say I'm cold hearted (I'm not, I'm just not a wimp). But there are certain situations that do cause me to allow myself to be broken or hurt or vulnerable and in the end I find that its been worth it.

I applied to college this week. Well technically, I applied to my local college two weeks ago and got accepted. And then on Tuesday I applied to college out of town and got accepted today. I also confirmed my acceptance today. It was weird because my heart started beating so fast and I just stared at the screen for like a minute then got up and told my mom. I've never ever lived outside of London (canada) let alone ever been on my "own." its a bit of a weird feeling knowing that you'll be somewhere new, I barely started figuring out the streets of London. I'm pretty much messed for my new city.

Lifes changing. Changing rapidly. Quickly. Too quick? Only God knows whether or not I'm truly ready for the change. I've accepted because I'm certain that moving is a good decision for me right now. But i'm also a worry wart. I worry about EVERYTHING.
See, this is my problem. I trust God. I trust that God will do things and provide.. for other people. I have a very hard time believing that he'll provide for me. I don't know why, when on countless occasions I've seen his hand work in my life, my families lives. But when I know that I have to trust in him to open doors and be a provider of ALL things, I panic. And I panic big. I'm a big believer in working hard. I've worked most of my life.. even as a little girl I worked with my mother ... and when I was older I worked around the house. My father taught me the importance of working hard. So right now.. I'm thinking.. How am I going to pay my rent or my schooling, or food. But I know this is Gods plan for my life, I've chosen to follow. But how does one learn to trust in God in a few weeks? Blind Faith?

I'm like Gideon. (I can imagine your "what?") Gideon was chosen to save the Israelites. But he doubted that he was chosen and the promises God makes him. So he asks for signs... First he asks "make the dew form on just this fleece and keep the grass around it dry." So God being God, does exactly that. But still, Gideon being the doubter that he was, asks again " make the fleece dry, and the grass around it wet."
So, God does that. So Gideon is convinced. 

God has promised us so many things... 
God promised that he would supply our EVERY need. (Philippians 4:19)

So I don't need signs, I know what his word says. I've seen the miracles in my life. So even when I'm thinking "Lord..." I gotta be thinking He can and he will. He has and will continue to be the provider in my life. He has my world in His hands and is with me everywhere I go. He is not a forsaking God!

 ⁷Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

 ⁸For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8

I promise to believe...
I promise to try...  

  

Big Brother, Little Sister.

I am not a sentimental person nor have I ever been. Yes, I cry over little things and remain as hard as a rock over things that matter, but I’m not cold hearted. I’ve opted out of letting things wound me because being happy is EASIER.  But I am sentimental about certain things even though I try very hard to hide it. This is a blog about a very important person in my life. And I will write it in the most charming way I know how.

Like I said before I grew up in a family of two older brothers. And as typical as that may seem our relationships aren’t that typical. I am 4 years younger than the youngest but we get along so well its almost scary. We like the same things, laugh the same, act the same… unfortunately look the same. We’re close but there are certain topics I do not touch with him ( ahem** boys) but I trust him with my life. I love him with the entirety of my heart even on the days that I can’t stand him. So why do I write a blog about ONE brother and not the other. Well, in due time the other one will get a blog all about him, but for now, I’m just so proud.

So, my brother and I spent a couple years apart and then we were reunited. We started spending so much time together it was sometimes TOO much but I liked it. Who needs friends when you have family members that are like friends but forever loyal? We had our rough patched and our fights but at the end of the day he’s my brother. I am truly blessed with TWO amazing brothers. 

My brother will tell you himself that neither he nor I were headed on good paths. Different paths as they were, we were heading into dark futures. I was fully committed to achieving life outside of my parents’ house and he was fully committed to living a life of a bachelor. But that didn't happen. God has other plans for me. Life doesn't always go as planned and I’m glad God decided that enough was enough, and started dealing with this heart of mine. I said to myself for two years “when I turn 18. I am moving out, chopping off my hair, getting tattoos and doing whatever I want. I am sick of this! “

At 18, I started college and my thoughts weren’t entirely the same, I couldn’t move on because I was broke from school and I couldn't chop off my hair because I’d get kicked out. Never did God cross my mind. I didn't care what he wanted for me, I wanted the freedom. 

Fast forward… As a reward for me getting into college right after high school my dad decided to take me to Louisiana to see my family. I hadn't seen them in 10 years and I figured why not. I needed a break, I felt lost and confused. I was taking a course I didn't really think I needed and I didn't know what I wanted out of life. I was lost. This trip was my life saver. I went to Louisiana and I can’t say what it was. But I went to the church there and my perspective changed. I was hungry! I was dying because my soul had been so neglected. I vowed at the end of that trip that I would change my life. I’d seek God! 

I did. I am so proud that I followed through on that promise. It’s changed my life. I am different because of that promise I made to God. God changed my life that year. Not only did I gain such a beautiful relationship with God but he did some of my biggest desires in my life. If you know anything about love, you’ll know that when you love someone you desire the absolute best for them. And I never truly judged my brother but I didn’t condone his behavior. But when the hunger in me started making me view him as more than just my brother and that he was truly lost… I couldn't help it. I remember there were nights I’d cry and beg God to touch his heart. I did this for 9 months. And then I got tired. I was tired. I wasn't seeing anything happen. He was getting worse and I was getting weaker. I had no more tears, I’d worded my petition in all the ways I knew how. But NOTHING was happening. So one day, out of exhaustion and sadness I said, do whatever you want then! 

You know, I didn’t realize this until recently that the reason he did something so quickly then was because I actually surrendered in that very moment.  I said, “do whatever YOU want!” not what I wanted, not what I thought, not how I thought, but whatever God wanted. And literally a couple days after, God did. It was such a relief to me, to have someone else in the fight with me. I’ve never said this, but when you’re the younger child in a family you’re used to looking up to people, but there were times were I felt like people were looking up to me and that freaked me out. How was I going to make people proud, when I’d barely lived my life? I don’t know why God chose this way, or why the burden for him was so great but that’s how God chose it. 

Now, about two years later… or something like that… almost 3 years… my brother is a PASTOR. 

How unbelievably crazy is that? When they announced him on the 17^th of this month, I almost cried. (I don’t cry in public) God is a miracle worker. He does what we think won’t happen. He mends the broken hearts & shattered dreams. I do still feel burdened for him but it’s different now. I know he’s capable of what God placed in his hands. And I’m a proud little sister with someone to look up to again. 

Congratulations to Ruben and Cindy Alvarez, who have been called and chosen to serve God. I know you will be brilliant. And I am very proud to call you my family. Oh, and I’m sure Benji will grow up to be like daddy & grandpapis.

Sigh ** I’m also kind of worried, all the men in my life are so unbelievably talented and so ready to be used by God, my future husband must be impressive too ( I hope ) 

Never give up on your family. God will do it. But you must be consistent, you must be sincere and you must trust that God knows best. He knows when, how and where. But you must be determined to get your victory from God.