It's incredibly hard to live in a world surrounded by married people... when you're single. Nobody understand you unless they too are single. I can imagine all the eye rolls and audible sighs that all the married people just let out. This is N-O-T a posting about how much I H-A-T-E being single or how L-O-N-E-L-Y I appear to be. This is about the path I am currently on, and how I've come to appreciate it.
A couple years ago, I cried myself to sleep because the loneliness consumed me. I didn't know what else to do. Every person has different advice.. "wait on the Lord, he will provide." "Lose a little bit of weight!" "Enjoy being single, cause when you're married you can't do anything!" "Stop being so picky" "Have you prayed about it?" "Keep the faith!" "You're still so young" and the worst one.. "You just need to put yourself out there!"
Humbug!
I have realized one thing and that is that I can't force time to move quicker. That I can't change who I am in a day and that if I am not happy with me, that I won't be happy with him. That I am N-O-T incomplete. I am thankful for this road I'm on, because it's allowed me to grow -- grow in knowledge, in strength, in love, and into my own skin. I appreciate my little quirks and imperfections more than I did when I was 18. I have a committment to being the best I can be, not to impress, but to make this world a much better place. And even with all the bumps on the road disguised as a broken heart, or the cracks on the pavement that holds the memories of past loves .. or the winding road that made me dizzy with fear of failure .. there has always been the reflection of the setting sun, where I remembered my deepest dreams; the spontaneous trips that led to self discovery or the straight and narrow path that has been perfecting my attitudes and perspectives... I am thankful for this broken road. I am thankful for the nightly roadtrips from one place to another, where I felt like I couldn't hold on any longer. Where my eyeslids felt heavy from the tears that I'd cry. I am thankful for the road that was only lit by the light of the moon, because it always held the promise of the rising sun-- the promise of something new. I am thankful for the view on the side of the road of the fields covered in early morning dew, the rays of the sun making it hard to see, whispering that it was a brand new start. I am thankful for this road, because it's leading me straight to him.
Sincerely,
R
