Let's Chat: The Greatest Lesson I've Had to Learn

I can't believe it's almost June. Where did the year go? Time has flown by it seems, and Canada apparently forgot that it's supposed to be spring. It's okay though, life is good. Here's the question of the day: Do you start to think about your life when your birthday starts to creep up on you? Because I most certainly do. How am I in my late twenties? When did this happen? Why wasn't I told?

I thought about it real hard last night, and realized that my life changed drastically when I turned 22. Not on purpose, not by my own plans but because, sometimes you drive off a cliff and miraculously survive. Dramatic, I know. But that's how I certainly felt for most of the years since then. I've had the worst-best times during these last six years. Some of which I wish I never went through, but those times are the times that have aggressively, reluctantly and positively changed who I am and my life.

The biggest lesson I've learned in the last several years, was actually learned in the last year. Life took a dramatic turn again, I ended up right back to the place I had no intention of returning to. Physically, I was back in my hometown. Mentally, I was back to the same mindset that drove me to the decision to leave in the first place. Emotionally, also in the same overwhelmed state that I had been prior to making the big move. I don't know how that happened, but it did. It was awful. I had a weird breakdown in front of some friends. But that breakdown led to finding healing. My life is not hard, there are people with harder lives, and I know that. Life is about perspective, and my perspective was the worst.

I like the picture above, I don't know when I took it. Whether it was an early morning or during an evening ride. It's a matter of your perspective. The same thing can be applied to your life. I always saw what I didn't have, rather than what I did have. This is the lesson I feel like God has been trying to teach me for years. Literally, years! I am a complainer, I know this about myself. I also believed that God is a God of miracles; for everyone except myself. I felt for a really long time that God provided in continuous abundance for people that didn't even work hard for it. I acted like I had nothing to be grateful for. I worried about everything, even when there was never a time that I was going to go without something that I needed. And that was my perspective: negative, envious, critical, and wrong.

I went through "hard" times because I couldn't find it in my heart to just be grateful for all the things I've always had. My friend called me out on it (this is why having good, solid friends is important)and I thought about it. And you know what, she was right. I was incredibly ungrateful. And so I started changing. I spent a month not asking for one thing, just trying to be grateful. Trying not to express my doubts. Trying to always think about the small victories I had. Trying to remember that He (Jesus) is the source of my everything. Everything that I'll ever need, I can find in him. This has changed my life. I struggle everyday, there are still days I express my doubt. There are days that I'm worried about the future. But I'm glad that I'm surrounded by people who constantly remind me of the God I have chosen to serve. I'm moving forward, and I'm learning and changing. Slowly, I'm trying to be that faith-driven person, cause those people are blessed. I want to be a blessed person, more than I am already am. Life is good. God is and has been really good to me. This lesson, although involuntarily learned, has changed me forever. If I ever sound ungrateful, point me back to this blog as a reminder.

(Image retrieved from the bible app)

Be encouraged. Be grateful. It will change your life. It changed mine. What lessons have you learned this year? Tell me in the comments below!

K, bye

- R



Story Time: Poetic Skeletons

My personal e-mail is full of poetry I used to write. Some of it is real depressing, others are SO cringe worthy. Others invoke a certain type of nostalgia, the type that kind of reminds you of the feelings you had when you wrote it and incite you feel it all over again. Poetry used to be my own personal therapy. I wrote it down, because I didn’t want to say it aloud. I don’t know where along the line the opposite happened. If I could, I’d climb some rooftop and yell all my emotions off of it. I’m a talker. I know, surprising! But I want to talk about it all. I want to say exactly what I think, feel, want, need, hate, love, etc. It’s who I currently am. My software provider is creating an update that will help put some sort of filter on this mouth.
 
However, until then, I’m a huge advocate of talking. I want to talk, because talking gets me to the bottom of things. When I'm not talking, something is really bothering me. When I was younger and clearly depressed, I wrote it down. That’s why my personal e-mail saddens me. I keep it because it reminds me of how far I've come, while also reminding me of what a complete tool I used to be. Don’t judge me though, sometimes I was just sad. I wish I could share some snippets with you but you might laugh at me. Although, when has that ever stopped me before? This is me being vulnerable about my past, while also poking fun at myself. These are some real snippets out of the personal vault. These ones made me laugh out loud or chuckle. I will also write down my present day reactions.

1.

Yuck. What is this? No, honey, no. That little blood pump in your chest cavity is only attached to arteries and vessels and stuff.

2.



When I was little, I used to always yell at my parents (after they got me in trouble),"I can never have a happy day." Apparently, I didn't outgrow these dramatics for a long time. I'm still very dramatic, except now, I've experienced true happiness.

3.

This.Doesn't.Even.Make.Sense. Clearly I was taking some creative liberties. But maybe it was just one of those, "it's too good to be true" or "it's crazy, so crazy, it just might work" things. Who really knows. But whatever was happening was so real, it just couldn't be. How could it be? Denial is a gift my friends.

4. 

Once again, my affinity to speak about things I don't understand started young, and has stood the test of time. I clearly had never experienced a heart break. Those things suck. Avoid at all costs. Oh, and if you can avoid making mistakes, do that too. Sheesh Ruth, terrible advice.



Listen...

We all have weird depressed skeletons in our closets, mine just happen to be really poetic (haha). Genuinely though, I just want to let you know, that you can really become a better, mentally stable human if you try. Just kidding (but not really).

I just want to say: everything always seems like a mountain, even when it's a small hill. And even if it is a mountain of a problem, you can still climb it. I know that all those aforementioned moments of pure angst and melancholy are funny now, but back then, they were the biggest deal of all time. Can you imagine if I would have given up in any of those moments, I'd still be living alone in a valley somewhere, shaded by the massive mountain of problems, in a house full of sadness, with a drinking well full of my own tears and... well, that took a steep turn, you get the point.
I'm just here to tell you to keep going, one day, you'll be able to look at those mountain in your rear view mirror and enjoy the view. Sprinkle some hope and Jesus on it, you'll see the magic that can come from that.

Talk to you later,
R.